Thursday, October 22, 2009

Johan gets back in the zone

This is my personal story about managing my weight. It sounds all so simple now that I was in doubt if I should write it down, and then I decided to do it because it might help you if you are in similar circumstances.
I am a man, 49 years old and six feet tall. I live in Belgium. I became overweight starting from my late thirties on and since then weighed for a lot of the time more than 210 pounds. For more than 10 years I was overweight and aware of it. Now what I wish to share with you is that over the past 2 months I have lost 30 pounds, something that never happened before in those 10 years. I think I am on a program that will work for me to getting back at a normal weight altogether.
I am happy and I am enthusiastic to share my story with you!
I found my personal zone in life after growing up and starting to live on my own, by learning and doing things and changing my world. I was walking, biking and skiing. I was successful in my job, married and built a house.
Then my wife and I had a family and I became even more successful in my job. Because of these happy circumstances I started to move less and eat more. I had no time anymore to go on long hikes, I spent a lot of time on the road and in the air, sitting down, and when I was at home we would often prepare festive meals and invite our friends – and sit down after the meal. I did not think anything wrong with my lifestyle even though I gained weight as a consequence. My friends and associates were also gaining weight – and still we were not what you would call fat. We noticed that many of our seniors were fat, but we didn’t think we were (yet).
I can thank my personal awareness because I can now see that from then on I gradually left my zone. The process set in about ten years ago. I did not notice it. I had only a vague awareness that my horizon and potential in life became more and more limited. I kept gaining more weight and became fat to the point that I could not deny it anymore. People would say to me that I was fat and that I should do something about it. I received the message, but did not take action. People were talking to me, my body was talking to me, I heard it, and did not listen.
Why not? I was finding excuses. I was very busy and had absolutely no time to take breaks. I experienced setbacks in my career and personal challenges in changing from a young urban professional to a parent raising children. A potential health problem was way down on my list. About my looks I could not have cared less – I just bought bigger clothes.
So I did not change my lifestyle and I did not realize that I had a problem – my answer was to make things worse by working harder. I became even more successful in my job and with my family – the most success I ever had. And yes, I was starting to feel tired and feel the strain – but I thought that is what happens if you work hard. I saw the same happen to other people and found myself only repeating the experience of my parents´ generation. I started to look like my father at the same age. I found confirmation everywhere. I was no different and thought “such is life”.
Well, I was wrong. I finally got my wake-up call a little bit more than one year ago when I found myself falling asleep in the armchair on a regular basis (often in front of the television). I did go to see my doctor and I started to listen seriously to my wife. They both told me that something was very wrong. They did not tell me what to do. They made me look at myself and made it plain that I was not in a good condition, way out of my zone – that I was not healthy and that I had been on a slow downward trend for all these years. The doctor told me that if I continued on my path – it would end badly. This confirmed thoughts and feelings that I had myself.
Sure, I had achieved things by working hard. I was not tired from working hard. I was tired from being unhealthy. I can now see that I used my reserves and was not replenishing them. In reality I was not learning many new things, I was not recharging my batteries, and I was no longer changing my world. I was saying “No, I cannot” more often than “Yes, I can”.
This was not so clear to me one year ago as it is now. I reluctantly admitted that my wife and the doctor could have a point. This was a small and very important first step. I started with an action plan to lose weight, stuck with it – lost weight, became more able and active, and found out that it is not difficult at all to do the necessary things and make time for them. Once I started doing the right things, it did not take a long time to reverse the trend. Life is fun again. I feel happy now and back in my zone. Ready to change my world.
Did I suddenly change my life? No, that is the best part. I am still very busy and have no time for great hikes or go to the gym two times a week, but I plan to add this to my fun time as soon as possible. Once I became aware of what I needed to do I found it very easy to accommodate the necessary things in my lifestyle as it had become.
There is another thing that is good. I am a person that tries to explain the world and life and likes to control it. A substantial part of my newfound happiness is that with problem and solution out in the open – I feel confident that I know what I am doing and where I am going. I saw the abyss, I know now where it is – and how to keep safely away from it.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

My advisor comments on August and September

One of my advisors has been commenting for some time that world events we are now experiencing are here to challenge us where we place a lot of symbolic value. Like compassion, integrity, and self-respect. Yeah, we've got this one down. Do it all the time. At the gas station, during our tax audit . . .
My advisor also reminds us to stay focused in The Light.
What?
Plenty of us have heard at least once others reference “The Light”. Ok. How many possible interpretations of light can we think of in five seconds? This may bring up a lot of images for you. Some smarmy, some smart. One of my favorites is “seeing in the dark” when the light goes out. That's my choice for my advisor's comment. Whatever it means to you, the times we are in are bringing fresh opportunities to practice en-light-ened exchanges. With ourselves as well as others. Whatever your goals in your daily life, the intensification of energy that is accelerating in the universe and directed to our solar system affects you. This is no longer the stuff of fringe, it’s cold, hard, science.
I look where I'm stepping and watch how I handle stressful situations now like my life depends on it. Fear. Doubt. Anger. Suspicion. Contempt.
Why has this become so painful for me to do? Fear? Doubt? Suspicion . . .
If your ability to handle stress seems more difficult every day like it is for me, you are experiencing this energy. Its not just you. Everyone is. Ask around.
Some are fortunate to be experiencing deep love at this time and seem beyond stress. I can't stand these people. I want them to be working it as hard as I am. Not fair. The quality of that love however, might be challenged, sooner than later.
Say your expectation of another to continue participating fully in your experience becomes less than your expectation, how will you relate to that person? What will your reaction be? If, as my advisor counsels, you don’t react, something falls away from the event. It disappears back into its “native nothingness” as Florence Scovel Shinn describes it.
What?
"Its not the experience, its how you act in the presence of the experience" my advisor continues like a broken record. These are smart words, until some smarmy event serves up strong emotion demanding to be released. Then, and only then, will you know if you can focus on “The Light” and stay in your Zone, whatever you choose that to be for you.
“Ok, I see the light. If I am true to myself and have enough respect for myself, I will view my emotions as a challenge to call upon some generous acts. That should get me zoned.”
What?
Contemplation like this is flat-out impossible. I just want to deck somebody. What kind of elevated therapeutic modality do I need to calm down and stay zoned? Maybe the kind of training that makes that hill easier to climb on the bike, every time. I get zoned by the sweetness of my gears changing smoothly and my cadence from rotating pedals singing that song I know so well. I hang a little more on the hill until my purported integrity can reinvent the emotions my self-absorbed emotions want to play out. I start seeing in the dark. Feeling around so I don't trip on something or knock somebody over. That way I know it will all still be there the next time I stumble through.
I think we can use this strategy with ourselves in many ways. If we know from experience we can move beyond whatever is coming "at us" by just making the decision to do it, people and furniture stick around for us.
Why is this such a pain to do? Why does it take such an epic effort? Does contempt feel better? To win? Must we assemble a courtroom and a jury to issue a judgment for us before we decide to just let it go?
My advisor added a quote from Kahlil Gibran, the Lebanese mystic and poet, in her newsletter last month:
“Many of us spend our whole lives running from feeling with the mistaken belief that you cannot bear the pain. But you have already borne the pain. What you have not done is feel all you are beyond that pain.”

What?